Dancing For Elohim

     I have had a busy couple of months. I hermited myself away in my home, my heart was broken, I was literally guzzling bottles of wine, and then mourning a friend and fellow mother who relapsed on heroine and died, and I just felt crushed, alone, used, and washed-up. I felt at my lowest, and felt such a crushing depression that I thought I was dying inside. I hated my reflection and the sound of my voice, and seriously couldn’t think of anyone who benefited from my existence, and I questioned God and asked Him why  did He make me if I was just going to be this miserable dying heap of flesh that wasn’t good for anything and was just useless. I was crying everyday so hard my face was swollen and every time I ate anything I consumed snot and tears. I dreamed of sticking my head in water and just sucking it in as fast as I can just to get it over with. But God just out of the blue, right when I was crushed and at my lowest point, He lifted me up. And my life is now full of joy and peace. Literally in a blink of an eye I am out of that darkness and I am sitting here right now in light. I have a wonderful uncle who loves me like a father and took me to his church every week. And now I have friends (where did they come from? ), I have purpose,  and a life. And an amazing man of God who loves me and my son and wants to be in our life. Where did he come from and when did this happen?  I am in shock and awe at this point. But God picked me up all broken and useless and made me whole again. For that I am ever thankful to Elohim and He has given me a reason to dance again. 

              Ash πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    For my painting, I used a 7mm pencil to sketch and acrylic paints on an 11×13 canvas. 

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Hope everyone has an awesome day!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

The Kept Lady

“Freedom lies in being bold.”                   

 -Robert Frost 

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       For my next art journal entry I used a 7mm mechanical pencil to sketch, then added color with Prismacolor colored pencils.

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You have ravaged me,
taken my body,

my flesh you have hurt.

The rough, wet touches of your tongue make me ill,

each pain you inflict only strengthens my resolve.

I can not deaden my senses to your touch,

as you burn with eager lust, 

greedily taking what you crave,

inside I am burning coals of rage.

The time will come, 

when you least expect it, 

your screams of ecstatic pleasure will be screams of agony,

you will be my toy then.

The harsh, coarsness of your flesh will be soft and pliable,

against the sharp point of my dagger,

I will find sweet ecstasy in sinking it’s blade into your grotesque heart.

Ahhhhh!

My dagger,

my anxious death wielding dagger!

Stolen from beside your sweaty and naked carcass of a body,

passed out and drained from ravaging me.

Yes, we shall play soon,

my tormentor, my captor,

then I shall be set free.

             Ash

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Hope everyone has a wonderful upcoming weekend!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ 

The Essentials

     The past week and a half I spent time battling the flu, playing endless games of War with my niece Tessa, and binge watching Love on Netflix.  So happy to be up and at ’em again and have my energy back. It felt so nice to pull out my art journal and start sketching. For my drawing, I used a 7mm mechanical pencil to sketch, and Prismacolor colored pencils to finish. 

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The Woman-

Friend

Lover

Soft lips

Kisses

Making love

Lifegiver

Essential for Existence

Pollinator

Male to Female Transporter

Key to Fruit, Nut, and Seed Formation

Sweet, Thick Honey Maker

-The Bee

                  Ash



  






Elrian and Ashryn

For my next characters, I used a 7mm pencil to sketch, and prismacolor colored pencils to add color. I had an old sketch I wanted to redraw and finally work on and add to my art journal of character studies.

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Elrian and Ashryn

Valynowen, an elven mage of the Anwar elves of Rhunduin, plots against an elven maiden Ashryn. Ashryn is loved by a dark fae named Elrian from Ciardha. Valynowen is insanely jealous of their love, and wants Elrian for her own. Valynowen plots against the unknowing couple, she murders Ashryn in a jealous rage, and curses the beautiful Elrian to walk the rest of his days as a hybrid wolf fae.

           You. Now a fading memory.

Flickering off and on, like a light bulb dimming and dying out.

You were once safe, stored away in a compartment of my mind.

Vivid and clear. I was confident in your heady memory. 

Now a mere shadow.

An empty canvas I continuously repaint.

Each time is more difficult than the last.

I’m forgetting your facial features.

Everything a discombobulated blur.

The sound of your voice.

A static hum of white noise. 

Loud and confusing.

I am in anguish.

I weep.

Clammy and ill.

Piteously grasping on to a dying memory, slowly being eaten by a black void.

Broken and not whole.

Incomplete.

I am alone.

           Ash

Purple Hazed Sky

“Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life; love shouldn’t be one of them.”

              -unknown
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For my painting I started by sketching with a 7mm mechanical pencil(I created for a friend who found a painting online of a girl smoking cigarette, and asked me to paint her one like it but with a blunt instead) 

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Started using watercolors to shade.

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I used Faber Castell Indian ink artist pen brush tip for outlining and shirt.

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    Dating freaking sucks!

I’m so tired of the daunting rules of the game.

     I’m slowly and painfully drowning in a sea of cookie cut out assholes!

                     Goals:  (hey a girl can dream)

Lightning bolts and booming thunder waking up a purple hazed sky,

A mind jolting, smoke filled first inhale,

Hot sun kisses on my shivering wet skin,

Ice cold cherry cola fizzing and tickling my tongue,

                  I need to:

Dump out my tea cup brimming full of Toms, Dicks, and Harrys I’ve been politely sipping on,

Grab a bottle of golden whiskey, slurp on some messy-wet kisses, 

Then gulp and devour that bottle until every warm, sticky, and tantalizing drop is gone.

Yum!

            Ash πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Giraffes, Hippos, Wings, and Tessa

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”

                  -Dr. Suess

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              My niece Tessa has been staying over every weekend. She is extremely loud, wildly uncouth, and downright delightful. I have been down in the dumps of late, feeling utterly useless as a functioning human being, but she has really cheered me up. Through brownies, Netflix, and Tessa’s wild, crazy stories and awful magic tricks, I am feeling much better. Tessa asked me to paint her a giraffe and hippo flying over white, fluffy clouds, so I did. And she loved it. Yay Aunt Ash! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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Have a great weekend!!!

                 Ash πŸ™‚

My Valentine’s Day Field Guide

“Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first.”

            -Carrie Bradshaw
     

      I have mapped out my Valentine’s Day tomorrow with a handy “love myself” field guide. Being single doesn’t mean Valentine’s Day has to suck.
                  My V-Day Field Guide


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Buy myself chocolates: the biggest and gaudiest heart shaped box of eat my emotions.


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Take a steaming hot bath overloaded with delicate floral scented bath bombs of swirling pinks, purples, and blues. Soak my skin in the sweet aroma of self love, listening to Etta James, Louis Armstrong, and Nat King Cole until satisfyingly pruny.


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Wear the softest oversized t-shirt I own, and hot pink fluffy socks. Light about five different floral scented candles in my room. Spend quality time browsing the Romance category on Netflix, then binge watch some horror movies.


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Stand on my head for one minute, and then do some guided relaxation meditations on self love.


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To end the evening, pop a Melatonin and get an amazing night’s sleep.


If I stick to my field guide, I should have an awesome day tomorrow. Hope everyone has an awesome Valentine’s Day too!

                     Ash  πŸ™‚